Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
