found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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