I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
