I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
