This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I need a burrito and a hug.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
