Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize