i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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