The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he thought i was a dude.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
