My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
