he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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