saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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