I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
