can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
