yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
