On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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