cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
