Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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