I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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