I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
