he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
