The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
