i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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