Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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