I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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