There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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