i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
