the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
