just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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