Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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