I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
