you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
