Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
