the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
