The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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