you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize