dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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