I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
