Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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