My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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