Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
