My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
