are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
