I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize