everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
