I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
