Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
