my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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