So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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