I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
