In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
