My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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