the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
