Cold hands, warm shart.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize