Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
