barbara walters just said penis...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
These tits shall not be calmed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
