Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize