can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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