My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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