Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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