You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
