i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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