then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I cockslap morals
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
