Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
