I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
