i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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