I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
