did you get engaged???
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's like iHOP with fire
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
