I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wish my penis had a tongue
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
