Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
