Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
