talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
