The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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